After one year, moved into a paid-for room today. Home. In an area of Macau full of curvy hilly lanes.
For these two month, this is my base, haven, place of solace.
Other travelers have been through this before. Reintegration into “normal” society. Have you felt this experience?
The shorter the term, the more precious each moment.
When I bought my house with decades of mortgage looming down the future with no plan of making any change of location, days and weeks flowed into one another.
Little consideration for each day’s potential.
Today whether I lay in bed all day or get tons of stuff accomplished, I don’t take either for granted.
Creating the scenario generates this feeling.
We cannot make ourselves appreciate each moment more, but we can alter our circumstances to bring out emotional and spiritual changes.
Have you noticed a similar experience?
A month since arriving in Asia.
4 countries and 6 cities later.
Old friends, new friends.
Flowing between interactions with others.
With flights, hotels, couches, and most stuff planned ahead, I simply enjoyed the ride of talking with friends, enjoying new and old sights, and heading to the next destination. No rush.
Mellow is the theme.
Yesterday docked in Macau.
Due to not arranging a place to stay, a hotel is home for these few days before flying to Manila for two weeks joining my brother’s fam on their mini vacation.
It’s strange to be back somewhere after traveling.
I got a bit of this vibe when I returned to San Fran after being gone a month. A whole lot of stuff happening in my life while time has flown by for most people in their usual routines.
Everyone at their own pace.
It’s all good.
Met a good friend for breakfast, shared waffle lunch with another fellow I didn’t know well before leaving but find intriguing, and doing dinner and ladies night in a bit with an inspiringly creative mind.
They say bro’s before ho’s, but isn’t that sexist?
How about we accommodate both bro’s and ho’s equally?
Inviting basically everyone I know in Macau to a get together on Saturday.
If I could imagine enjoying an hour long conversation with them, they got on the list. I’m still processing how to best deal with time management of friends.
If I keep making friends in one city at the same rate of recent travels, how will we be able to spend quality time together?
Too many friends is a good problem and too many good friends is an even better problem.
It’s easy to not meet up when we are cities or continents apart. Staying in Macau changes the dynamics.
I tend to relate things to what I’ve learned from managing multiple romantic relationships: business concepts, travel, and now friendships.
Nice Guys Finish Last:
A Journey from Nice to Caring
(Wrote this around September 2013 And would like to share it with you lovely folks now! Let me know if it does anything for ya)
This week a girl complimented me as chivalrous.
Like a time warp, I was flung back and recalled the boy I used to be: the kind, considerate, and friendly guy that didn’t want to step on anyones toes or get in their way.
It took me an afternoon to process this seemingly innocuous compliment.
2011 was the year of trying to be badass and stop being Mr. Nice Guy.
I cared about attention, counting the friends I had on Facebook, and measured my worth by how many women I made scream in bed.
I was getting women I couldn’t have imagined would be into me.
I acted cool.
“We’re just friends,” I would nonchalantly and proudly inform whoever asked about that new girl I just brought to the pool, bar, or restaurant.
Call me chivalrous and I would indignantly stop giving you any attention.
My coworkers or close friends noticed the drastic change in attitude and behavior.
Some told me, knowingly, that it was just a phase.
Maybe they were right in a sense that it would lead to something else, but not in the way they imagined, that I would return to the old docile Mr. Nice Guy.
No. He was gone, long gone.
2012 was the year of hardening.
Falling in love and then “losing” her.
The more I opened myself, the more she pushed me away.
I became the badass.
I tempered my emotions.
A barrier rose to protect myself.
It was no longer an act.
This unflinching nature only attracted women to me.
Before long I was breaking their hearts in the battle of protecting my own.
After losing another love, I became a rock.
Full of despair, anguish, hopelessness, I could no longer see a future of emotional honesty after it seemed to have caused the pain I felt so strongly.
I doubt chivalrous was on the minds of those I met, and if they’d said it I would have wondered what world they lived in.
Then a crazy thing happened.
Near the end of the year, I read a book that opened my eyes to the big picture of my experiences.
I saw love, intimacy, and emotional honesty as key to any chance of long term relationships.
I had lost those lovers but I was not going to lose another in a repeat situation.
I took a leap.
I let down my walls in complete honesty.
She embraced every part of my being.
She cried with joy.
Not only had I learned to let myself love, I learned the equally difficult skill of allowing others to love me.
Other relationships with lovers began to flourish in intimacy as well.
This heralded the year of 2013, a time of intense and overwhelming emotional growth.
Balanced with an equal growth of purpose and unwavering determination, I have the ability to be authentically caring when I genuinely want to.
I don’t need to be called chivalrous to keep being myself, but I can appreciate the sentiment and let it make my day better than it otherwise would have been.
I am growing more deeply connected with many women in my life.
More than that, these life changes allow me to have intimate and beneficial friendships with men .
Nice guys are the least determined.
Ass holes are the least caring.
Once you are caring and determined, the world opens its arms wide in sweet embrace.
Can you relate to these phases of life?
Have you had your heart broken and built up walls?
Have you tried not breaking others hearts? Shying away from intimacy to protect them?
What will 2014 be about?
The future is exciting.
There will be challenges to face and messes to turn into artwork.
We face them together if we choose to.
We are only as alone as we choose to be.
Every time Apple launches a new mind-blowing product it comes as surprise. But it is almost never immediately available.
Preorders are filled.
After a couple weeks, boom, the product is in excited customers’ hands.
Those two weeks are huge.
The wait creates a yearning which can be sensed from blogs, updated wish-lists, and water cooler chit chat.
If your boyfriend was to ask you to marry him today, if your best friend tells you he just arrived in town, or if your son tells you he is the lead character in a school play tonight; all these would be exciting.
And rightly so.
Though none allow for anticipation.
No months of imagining and planning the perfect wedding.
No weeks of occasionally remembering your best friend’s smile when a bad day creeps in.
No time to share in your son’s excitement and trepidation.
Surprises are good.
Surprises with room for anticipation are better.
Getting a promotion is great.
Anticipating and getting a promotion is even more fulfilling.
Taking a girl out for a fancy dinner is wonderful.
Letting her have the week before to playfully imagine what she will where, say, or do and let her change her mind about which dress, shoes, earings, lingerie a few times, now that is a true gift.
We can even produce this kind of anticipation for ourselves. Living in constant balance of anticipation and surprise.
Don’t think of long or short term plans as a chore. Approach them with a mind of anticipation.
Plan a random brunch with a friend a week ahead. You have surprised yourself with a gift and get to enjoy a week of anticipation.
Pick one day next month to go apartment shopping.
You’re not allowed to look at ads or real estate sites until then!
For the next few weeks, your attention will be heightened for anything that reminds you of your dream apartment. Passing by a furniture store, you begin designing your living room with your mind’s eye.
Eating at a friend’s you appreciate their layout like never before.
If apartment hunting is not your thing, book a flight, a hotel, a class, an adventure, or anything that will make you live in a state of anticipation.
This mindset will create vibrancy in all your plans.