Nice Guys Finish Last:
A Journey from Nice to Caring
(Wrote this around September 2013 And would like to share it with you lovely folks now! Let me know if it does anything for ya)
This week a girl complimented me as chivalrous.
Like a time warp, I was flung back and recalled the boy I used to be: the kind, considerate, and friendly guy that didn’t want to step on anyones toes or get in their way.
It took me an afternoon to process this seemingly innocuous compliment.
2011 was the year of trying to be badass and stop being Mr. Nice Guy.
I cared about attention, counting the friends I had on Facebook, and measured my worth by how many women I made scream in bed.
I was getting women I couldn’t have imagined would be into me.
I acted cool.
“We’re just friends,” I would nonchalantly and proudly inform whoever asked about that new girl I just brought to the pool, bar, or restaurant.
Call me chivalrous and I would indignantly stop giving you any attention.
My coworkers or close friends noticed the drastic change in attitude and behavior.
Some told me, knowingly, that it was just a phase.
Maybe they were right in a sense that it would lead to something else, but not in the way they imagined, that I would return to the old docile Mr. Nice Guy.
No. He was gone, long gone.
2012 was the year of hardening.
Falling in love and then “losing” her.
The more I opened myself, the more she pushed me away.
I became the badass.
I tempered my emotions.
A barrier rose to protect myself.
It was no longer an act.
This unflinching nature only attracted women to me.
Before long I was breaking their hearts in the battle of protecting my own.
After losing another love, I became a rock.
Full of despair, anguish, hopelessness, I could no longer see a future of emotional honesty after it seemed to have caused the pain I felt so strongly.
I doubt chivalrous was on the minds of those I met, and if they’d said it I would have wondered what world they lived in.
Then a crazy thing happened.
Near the end of the year, I read a book that opened my eyes to the big picture of my experiences.
I saw love, intimacy, and emotional honesty as key to any chance of long term relationships.
I had lost those lovers but I was not going to lose another in a repeat situation.
I took a leap.
I let down my walls in complete honesty.
She embraced every part of my being.
She cried with joy.
Not only had I learned to let myself love, I learned the equally difficult skill of allowing others to love me.
Other relationships with lovers began to flourish in intimacy as well.
This heralded the year of 2013, a time of intense and overwhelming emotional growth.
Balanced with an equal growth of purpose and unwavering determination, I have the ability to be authentically caring when I genuinely want to.
I don’t need to be called chivalrous to keep being myself, but I can appreciate the sentiment and let it make my day better than it otherwise would have been.
I am growing more deeply connected with many women in my life.
More than that, these life changes allow me to have intimate and beneficial friendships with men .
Nice guys are the least determined.
Ass holes are the least caring.
Once you are caring and determined, the world opens its arms wide in sweet embrace.
Can you relate to these phases of life?
Have you had your heart broken and built up walls?
Have you tried not breaking others hearts? Shying away from intimacy to protect them?
What will 2014 be about?
The future is exciting.
There will be challenges to face and messes to turn into artwork.
We face them together if we choose to.
We are only as alone as we choose to be.